Loving again - the aftermath

Current mood: thankful

Category: Life

I am Strong. Always as strong as I need to be, 
and soft. To be open to love

After my relationship with Paul, I never expected to love again and had reconciled myself to dealing with my broken heart. Paul was the love of my life - it was love at first sight....he was just as destructive as he was amazing. Stubborn, tempestuous, generous, full of life, funny, heroic, strong, sexy and devastatingly handsome. And together we were passionate An immersive all consuming madness that I will never forget and don't regret - I would never trade the experience.

But I am a survivor and I've been fighting a long time. I don't cry everyday now. Instead I feel optimistic and only feel a tear at the corner of my eye. My voice still gets funny when I speak about him.

Chloe had a dream that felt like an out of body experience. In the dream, Paul came to her, telling her he was sorry for everything. He told her he was very happy, in a wonderful place and that "everyone" was there, before telling her he had to go. She suffered during waking from the struggle to return to her physical body.

A male confidante of Paul whom I had never met called me to tell me how Paul never blamed me and deeply regretted his mistakes, but was unable to admit this to me becuase of his pride. Isn't it sad when we can consider how much easier life would be if we could openly commincate with one another without the need for defense systems? I'll learn from this, and always strive to remain calm and really listen to the people I love irrespective of their reactions.

Now I can stop fighting and point my focus and make my life whatever i want. Cos I'm free and alive.

Now is a time for cultivation: hard work, discipline and laughter.

Now is a time to begin to love again, a different kind of love ~ quietly gorgeous, odd and compelling. calm, understated, kind, patient, full of integrity, gentle, caring, uplifting, alluring, rational, intellectual, spiritual, sensual and nurturing.

Thankyou to my wonderful friends. I read your messages and they fill me with gratitude, warmth, comeradery and shared life experience. I know i don't always answer, but I always send a good wish to you.

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